Simple doesn't always mean easy



Change is hard. Why?


Patterns often take years to develop.


Mindfulness also takes years to develop.


Being mindful of when we are operating on old patterns...that often takes an external influence to elicit change. That outside source might be an inspiring quote, a therapist, a friend. Sometimes...sometimes...it's a family member. But are we always receptive to a spouse pointing out our faulty habits that may not be working so we for us or for the family unit? I'm going to guess that the answer is often no.


Okay, I get that I'm severely oversimplifying something that is very complex. My point is that for us to be ready for change, we must be able to witness ourselves from a new pair of eyes.


What I have observed over the years, many, many times, is that the parent-child dynamic evolves so slowly, from infancy into toddlerhood, into the preschool and school age years, and beyond, that interactions that worked and were necessary in the early years do not evolve at the same pace as the child develops. Old ways of interacting become so habituated, that the adult doesn't always realize that they have not adapted to the child's developmental age. The relationship becomes imbalanced, children's unwanted behaviors erupt, and consequently, parental unwanted behaviors erupt.


Paying close attention to your own habituated interaction styles is one of the first and best things you can do to rejuvenate your parent-child relationship.


Here is an exercise for you.


Treat each interaction today as if it new. Treat it as if you did not think you know the other person's thoughts or motives or next move. Let go of assumptions and let the moment create itself, and let the other person in the interaction recreate themself.


If you feel like you are on a hamster wheel, reach out to me. You keep trying to move forward, only to be in the same argument with your spouse, or the same interaction with your kids, or the same internal response to the situation as before. It's not easy to identify those internal narratives that repeat these cycles. If, however, you commit to really paying attention, staying present and being mindful, I believe that you will be able to re-create YOUrself into exactly who and how you want to be.


stephanieantoni.com

#parentcoach #solutionfocusedparenting #revealandheal

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